Yes I am a nerd, but I'm okay with it

Well I am finally so close to my vaction I can nearly taste it. After a full year of 50 hour minimum weeks, I have nearly lost my mind. In other work news my friend has now offically moved on after 3 years. It is sad for me, I miss the people that I work with that have become my family. At least it was another excuse to bring triple chocolate cake to work.

Also today I finally got my hair cut. Now it has only be about six weeks since my last haircut, but the last one, no make that several have been really bad. The last time they took a chunk out of each temple and I thought I was going bald for a few weeks. Thank you Winter and Julia for refuring me, she is really good.

Now to respond to my tag from Winter

1. Pick up nearest book
2. Open to page 123
3. Find 5th sentence
4. Post next 3 sentences
5. Tag 5 people

Okay, here is a fun one.

The Star Trek Encyclopedia.
(Yes Winter I know this is the part where you loudly scream NERD)

Drema IV. Fourth planet in the Selcundi Dream system, home to a humanoid civilization. Drema IV possesses the largest deposits of dilithium ore ever recorded.

Well I have no one to tag since all five bloggers I know have been tagged I'll do without that part.

Since when are guys so moody?

I work with so many moody people. I get it with the girls sometimes, but the real problem is the young guys. I never really thought of guys as emotional and moody, but the guys who are 6 to 10 years younger than me really are. Granted all of these guys I know from work which probably says a lot. It just seems that whenever I god forbid ask some guy at work to do his job, he sulks or mopes and just acts like an ass. Then one of the last ones was even mumbling something about beating me up for talking to him the way I had. Of course I had told him to get the hell out after he told me he quit. The next day another guy got in an argument with a girl at work and started slamming things around and trying to pick a fight with everybody else.
Also at work I have had other issues. My boss has been out a lot and I have been in charge, great right? No, absolute god awful mess. Everything possible broke. I spent almost the entire time on the phone with tech support people, calling in crew, and informing my other boss of the situation. When my boss got back what did I get? Not a thank you, but what ever I know I did the best I could in the situation.
After this I got a very rare weekend off. I went home for the weekend and saw my family. I even went out with my mom, aunt, cousin, and their assorted friends. It was weird being in a bar with my family. I don't think I have ever had a drink in front of them. In the end it was kind of fun.

How do you spend Your time?

I was realizing today that I spend far to much time at work in a homicidal rage. The thought of killing all the annoying masses of people around me for at least 4 hours of everyday is getting to be a bit much. I don't have the greatest job already and between being screamed at by random customers my crew went retarded today. I need a vacation, a year between vacations is too much.

Trying to find a reason to be hopeful

Today I traded shifts at work so I could have the morning off and for once work the night shift. I have said it before and I'll say it again working the open shift nearly kills me. Thanks to some things which are out of my control, that is all I have worked in 8 long weeks. So after a lovely day spent sleeping in and roaming around various blogs, I at least feel well rested. Even though it isn't a day off, it still feels like one.

The other day at work, half of our parking lot flooded. It suck, but we still had to open and try to serve our customers. By 4 o'clock I wanted to kill every customer that said, "Do you know you have a flooding problem" or "Can I make it through the water". It was annoying as hell. The only good thing is that I haven't been yelled at or called incompotant this week, but I still have two day to work yet this week.

Tuesday I went to the bank to deposit money that my grandmother gave me. Since it was a larger amount than I knew what to do with I talked to someone there to see what I should do with. While this nice woman was trying to help me I had to tell her about things like my income, my student loan and credit card debt, and my college education that doesn't really do anything for me. After spending an hour feeling nausous and depressed, I think we came up with a good plan to help me avoid completely ending up destitute.

Winter and I seem to have found a new place for to go in August at the end of our lease. It is on the first floor which may seem werid after almost six years in third floor apartments. Hopefully the landloards are a little less insane than the ones I have dealt with recently. I have only heard good things about them so far, so my fingers are crossed.

Hopefully everthing makes sence, since spell check just refuses to work today. Later.

Random Thoughts

Winter was saying yesterday that I should post more often, but without something to say I'll just put random bits of crap together.

Why is that once people get old that they think they are entitled to respect even though they are assholes? I would respect my elders if they weren't evil and trying to steal from me.

When did talking in abbreviations become appropriate in normal life? If you don't have the time to say the entire word keep you mouth shut.

I've noticed that my 10 hour work day is really more like a minimum of 11 hours a day. I don't know when I let that happen, but it has and their seems to be no stopping it.

As a comic geek I am really bummed that in Spider Man, Peter Parker and Mary Jane's marriage has been erased. A marriage that in real time existed for twenty years now never happened.

I realized that although I would love to have a girlfriend I don't have the ability to put up with the bullshit that you get with most girls. Is it sad that I am just to tired to try to date? I just don't have the energy to try to do get to know someone and deal with all of their baggage now too.

I think that this won't be a problem since the only people even mildly interested in me are gay men. If I have to feel any more awkward because some gay guy thinks I am cute I may just shoot myself.

Well that is it for now. Later.

Yeah, I guess I am a jerk.

It has been pointed out to me a lot lately that I am a jerk. It doesn't bother me that much, at all really. I guess about five or six years ago I just got sick of being a "nice" person who got stepped on all the time. I know it makes me selfish sometimes, but at least I don't feel taken advantage of all time anymore. I used to be the guy who do almost anything anyone would ask me to do. You need a ride home and live a hundred miles away, sure no problem. Need me to cover your shift at work so you can go get high, I sure will. You won't consider going out with me because you would rather sleep with my friend, that's great and can I get you a cup of coffee.

Really once I decided that I mattered and I deserved to be happy too, it was easy for me to be a jerk a lot of the time. Now if you ask me to do something I really don't want to do I'll tell you no and if you insist I'll very likely smile and tell you to go to hell. My life may suck a great amount of the time, but at the very least I can try to make myself happy.

Strange couple of weeks

Well I've tried to write this post for about a week now. I went home for thanksgiving and had to listen to my brother make an ass out of himself with his new cowboy shtick. While he talked about his new tight jeans and riding bulls, I tried not to laugh (at least too hard). He made fun of my hair and I made fun of the fact that his is balding and has back hair. So I guess in the end we all had fun.

Then this week my boss has been on vacation and I have sort of been in charge. I say sort of because I am just working to keep the weak person in our team from doing something too stupid. This wasn't made any easier with some equipment that kept breaking down, and still isn't working right.

The real estate office that owns my building left a message on my phone blaming me for dirty foot prints on the hall carpet. Now this carpet has been dirty and disgusting since they day I moved in. Not that I may not have a part in how bad it is, but I was being blamed for it all. After calling them back I was sick of being treated like a child and I ended telling them I wouldn't be resigning my lease for next year and I would not be renting from them again. I was kind of pissed off.

Then I started to get sick. I hate being sick. I only get sick every couple of years and unfortunately this is that time. Also falling under the sick category, our mantainace person told
Winter, and later me, how a guy at another store said I was "pretty". Ewww. Not only is a guy, but a really weird guy with a mohawk. Even though I was disgusted I had to find it a little funny. Although now Winter is not leaving my side at the Christmas party if he is there.

Comparisons

Yesterday I was on Facebook and I finally used the compare friends function. Well I had something like forty-five comparisons to make and I ended up skipping about twenty-five of them. The funniest one I had was when it asked who I would rather date, my married friend or my room mate. That just isn't a question I can really have an answer for.

Wow, Maybe I Have a Life After All

Since I haven't said anything of importance for over a month I guess I should have a lot to say now. In case someone who may read this doesn't know me already my grandmother that I wrote about in my last post made it through her surgery fine and is recovering at her home now. I'm still in debt beyond belief and am trying to find answers for a way to deal with it. Unfortunately I keep having the urge to never get out of bed and hide under the covers, or start drinking, alot. Since neither of those choices seem very productive I am of course looking for better ideas. In other news work still sucks. I want to fire everyone most of the time or maybe just get out while I still can. October first was ten years since I started working for them and I can't imagine making it another year at this rate. Unless I find a better job or better way to cope with I may loose what is left of my mind.

Lease renewals are coming around again, I don't know if I want to stay in this apartment for another year or to find something else. The fact that it is spacious enough and has two bathrooms is great. The fact that it is on the third floor and has the annoying "bro's" across the hall is not so great. They have got to be some of the most loud and irritating neighbors ever.

I just finished watching the first season of the show Heroes. It rocks. I must say that every part of this show was made for the people who spent their childhoods reading comics and watching scifi. Now I am working on catching up on the second season online. So far I am one episode in and it looks good.

Winter just finished up her vacation last week. It was nice seeing her have fun with Mark and Julia while Mark was in town. I hate that I had no time to really tag along much. What I was there for was cool.

Wow I guess I should take a month between posts again, at least I have more to write.

My Day

Well yesterday morning I woke up at 7:30 to the sound of pounding. Not remembering that they were putting a new roof on our building, I was a little shocked to see the outline of a person in my bedroom window. This wouldn't have been so shocking except for the fact that I live on the third floor. With that little sleep I didn't know what was going on, I just jumped out of bed and was a little freaked out.

Later in the day when I was at work I got a call saying my grandmother is going to have heart surgery today. This isn't the first time and we have know for about a month now it was coming. I just called my mom and they have just started her five hour procedure, so I'll be finding out how she is by voicemail.

Chicago

Well after a miserable week and a shitty day a work on Saturday morning I took off with my friends Jon and Brandon to Chicago. I wasn't going to go, but I wanted to have some fun. Since I couldn't pay my bills this month anyway I just decided to spend my paycheck the way I wanted (after I set aside money for rent, no need to be homeless). So it was off to the big city, well the biggest city I have ever been to. I grew up on a farm a million miles from anywhere, so a city of that size is beyond huge.

We did a few touristy things while we where there, like going up to the Sears tower. The views are awesome. I also got stuck going to the Lego store for about an hour, thanks Jon. The last thing we did was go to a Medieval Times dinner theater. It had acting on par with any professional wrestler. They also had a crappy vegetarian selection while my friends told me that their half a chicken and ribs was good. While a lot of this was fun, my friends and I make fun of each other a lot. Normally this is okay with and I happily join in, but after already feeling like shit, I wasn't in the mood. Hearing your best friends tell you how the only way to get someone to date is you is to blatantly lie about yourself really hurt. I seriously wanted to cry. I feel like I have nothing going for me right now and to hear anyone making fun of that really hurt.

In the end there was always the added good that I wasn't at work at all for an entire 2 and a half days. That alone is awesome.

A life of poverty

Well I was just online last night and I decided to see how much my loan payment when up to this month. I am on a graduated payment plan and this is the month it goes up since I started paying a year ago. To say I was surprised is an understatement. My payments have nearly doubled and now went from painful to crippling. If I pay the payments I am supposed to I will be paying more than sixty percent of my net pay. After I researched online I found out that if I had defaulted on my loans and they garnished my wages they can only take at most fifteen percent of my net pay. Granted I can't default without destroying my parents credit and I won't do that. Why is it that trying to do the right and honest thing like paying your bills, is the one thing that no one wants to help you with?

It just sucks because I tried to be smart with money and not over barrow, but I honestly think I will now live in poverty for the rest of my life because I decided to go to college. I spent nearly eight years of my life to earn something that has done the exact opposite of what I thought it would. I am poorer and more unhappy than I was when I was just a dumb high school graduate. I just don't know what to do. It feels like I have everyone wanting me to fail and I just don't know how to deal with that. I really feel like I have no options left.

Yes, I posted a picture

This is me pissed off and waiting in my car. I was waiting because my car had a flat tire. Normally this would just mean I get my ass out and change it, but I nearly got hit by car when I tried to change it. So after calling for help I waited for 45 minutes until someone got there. Now it was hot out today, about 85 to 90 degrees and I didn't have enough gas in my car to just let it run so I had to roll down the windows and wait.

I may not have been so mad, but I was already feeling like crap from the family reunion I was coming home from. I had to answer the question,"What are going to do now that you're done with school?" more times that I thought was humanly possible. I don't know what I am going to do with the rest of my life and I am okay with it. Unfortunately I am not okay with announcing to every that to near strangers I only see once a year. Life sucks.

Graduated

Just had to say that I learned that I passed my last class and graduated. I still just barely made it, only getting a D, which was still enough I guess. That's it.

Birthday parties, Cash, and Freedom

Well I joined some of the people from work for Becky's birthday party. It started at our place and a few games. The game we started to play eventually progressed into a game of charades, which I won. After some people leaving we walked downtown to the bars. We had some drinks and a few laughs before the end of the night.

The next morning I drove back to my parents' house. My parents will be moving soon, and now I have to take everything I left when I moved out 5 years ago. While packing up a ton of comic books and other old junk I found a box from my high school graduation party. I was being a little sentimental and looked through the old cards. The first one I picked up had a fifty dollar bill in it. I looked through the other cards and found a total of seventy-five dollars and a thirty dollar check from my uncle who died five years ago.

Apparently I forgot to pull out all the money when I packed everything up after the part seven years ago. I used my newly found cash to pay for part of the digital camera I've been wanting. I am glad I found the money, but feel really stupid for misplacing it for seven years.

I won't know if I passed my last class and graduated until Thursday. I don't really want to know now. All I know is that I am done with college. I have no desire or money to go back even if I failed. If I did I think I would loose my will to live. I refuse to keep working for something that has made me feel like shit for eight years.

My life as it is

Well I must say I have been avoiding doing a post since my class is not going well right now. I may very well fail the class or just barely pass. The thought of admitting that in writing sucks. If I don't pass now I won't have the money, or the desire, to retake the class anytime soon. Also it would ruin my chance of get my student loans consolidated. Rather than deal with it I have been push on trying to study harder and make a go of it. Next week I'll see how well that worked out.


Meanwhile I have been busy with work, our general manager was out last week, which left me in charge. Of course that means that everything went wrong almost immediately. We had a few pieces of equipment break and some real issues with the crew and managers. It didn't work out the way I thought it would. It kinda sucked.

Becky is going to have her birthday on Friday and I have done nothing to really get ready for it. I still have to clean and buy something to wear. Not to mention the fact that I work til 8 and it starts at 7. Nothing like coming to a party in your uniform and then taking a shower while the party is going on.

This weekend I have to go home because my parents are moving. This means that my 8 or 9 boxes of comics will now have to be stored in my basement storage space. Also I am sure that there is alot more stuff that I can't even remember. In the end I am so glad that my mom is finally getting a better house. She so deserves it.

I started reading a the comic Secret War this week. I admit I bought it s while ago when Walden's was going out of business and didn't read it. It is so much better than I was expecting. I thought it would be like the team up book of the same title from the 80's, but this is completely different. The story has plots to overthrow foreign governments by international government agencies, cover ups, and my favorite super heroes. All in all it has been a surprisingly good read that helps me to understand the events of marvel comics' Civil War series that just ended with the death of Captain America.

A Blah Day

Well today has been a day full of doing things I hate to do. I woke up too late to go to church, so I decided to be useful and get everything done around the apartment that I have wanted to get done for weeks. I have done dishes, cleaned the garbage can, did some extreme cleaning on my bathroom, did all my laundry, and cleaned my closet and bedroom. The last project was the worst. I still don't know if I am really done, I just know it is a lot better than before. I thought having a walk in closet would be a great thing. I must have assumed that this meant I could get more clothes, because I have. Last August when we moved in I only needed half of the closet and know it is almost completely full. I know this means I need to part with some clothes, but I finally feel like I have clothes that I like and don't feel like giving up anything, except maybe my uniforms, they take up a lot of space.

I also sat down and finished applying for a consolidation loan for my student loans. The hope is that I can somehow can get to amount that I can afford to pay every month. I was glad to find out even without my dad cosigning that I should be able to consolidate. I just want my parents completely out of my financial situation. Having my dad call me whenever I forget to pay the student loan sharks is annoying as hell.

Also dealing with money I did something really stupid with about fifteen dollars of mine today. I finally downloaded music from itunes. I think I have sold my soul to the corporate gods, but I found some music that I couldn't find anywhere else. I feel stupid for it, but the more I listen to the songs the less I care.

Burns, Cold Showers and My Stupidity.

Yesterday I got burned at work. A kid who is normally really good splashed grease from the fryer on my arm. He apologized, but having 350 degree grease run down my arm made me less willing to accept his apology. Now I have several burns from my wrist to my elbow.

Then today I had to wake up early, 7:30. I normally am okay with this, but I worked until two last night. So after five hours of sleep I went to get up and stumble into the shower. I turned on the water and it never got hot. Hoping it was just a fluke I just decided to grab a bite to eat and start studying for my exam (the entire reason I was up early). Well I can't wake up in the morning without a hot shower and some caffeine, so my studying quickly became falling back to sleep.

I called the real estate company that owns my building and they told me that they were replacing the water heaters today (like I hadn't figured that out already). All they told me is that they would have it replaced sometime today. Goddamn morons. If they had let me know ahead of time I wouldn't have had to deal with this crap.

So after a cold shower I had to take my exam that I don't think I did well. I just don't really get this stuff. My did I have to choose math as a major. I can't seem to prove anything and I barely remember calculus.

This sucks.

Stupid Insane People are Everywhere

Today was pretty much a normal Friday at work. We were busy and then at around 2 everything calms down. Well at about 3 I was getting something to eat when the phone rang. Since I was the closest manager to the phone I picked it up and answered it. The next thing I know I have some crazy old lady getting upset with me. This is not uncommon, but her complaint was. She was upset because a register person asked her how she was doing. I was floored. I explained to her that they were just trying to be nice. That didn't help. She then began a 5 minute long rant about how asking her how her how she was doing was an invasion of privacy. I could just not reason with her, telling her that she was not obligated to answer was no help. She demanded that I stop anyone in the store from every asking that question again. I tried to let her know that I could not begin to guaranty that and then she demanded the number for our company office and said she would never be back.

I still just don't get it. We make our employees be nice and we get complaints that a totally insane. I just ought to let my crew people ask, "What the hell to you want?" I could work better

Good news all around

Well I have just returned from spending the last 5 plus hours at the company picnic. For the most part it was pretty fun. Some of the 'cool kids' came so I didn't feel so alone. I circulated the area and talked to someone from every store. I even played kickball for a little while, although I was really bad. Anyway it was cool. I almost had to give a speech for our top crew person of the year.

Other good news is that I finally got promoted on Friday. I am just glad for the little bit more pay that I'll be getting. Like every other time I have gotten promoted I have that acknowledgement that I am already doing the job that I now have. Wow do a job for a few months and then get the job, this makes no sense at all.

In less happy, but still good news I am taking the analysis class that I need to graduate. This is my last class and I will graduate in August. The end to my 8 year struggle for my 4 year degree is in sight. Unfortunately I still have to pass what for me is a really difficult class. I just have to get a C, I'm aiming higher of course, but I'll settle for a C.

Even things with my Mom seem to be getting at least a little better. Dad is seriously looking for a house for them and Mom is getting some help. I honestly don't think Mom has sounded this okay around the anniversary of my brothers death. So yeah for once the pessimist has a good day and this may be one of them.