Comparisons

Yesterday I was on Facebook and I finally used the compare friends function. Well I had something like forty-five comparisons to make and I ended up skipping about twenty-five of them. The funniest one I had was when it asked who I would rather date, my married friend or my room mate. That just isn't a question I can really have an answer for.

Wow, Maybe I Have a Life After All

Since I haven't said anything of importance for over a month I guess I should have a lot to say now. In case someone who may read this doesn't know me already my grandmother that I wrote about in my last post made it through her surgery fine and is recovering at her home now. I'm still in debt beyond belief and am trying to find answers for a way to deal with it. Unfortunately I keep having the urge to never get out of bed and hide under the covers, or start drinking, alot. Since neither of those choices seem very productive I am of course looking for better ideas. In other news work still sucks. I want to fire everyone most of the time or maybe just get out while I still can. October first was ten years since I started working for them and I can't imagine making it another year at this rate. Unless I find a better job or better way to cope with I may loose what is left of my mind.

Lease renewals are coming around again, I don't know if I want to stay in this apartment for another year or to find something else. The fact that it is spacious enough and has two bathrooms is great. The fact that it is on the third floor and has the annoying "bro's" across the hall is not so great. They have got to be some of the most loud and irritating neighbors ever.

I just finished watching the first season of the show Heroes. It rocks. I must say that every part of this show was made for the people who spent their childhoods reading comics and watching scifi. Now I am working on catching up on the second season online. So far I am one episode in and it looks good.

Winter just finished up her vacation last week. It was nice seeing her have fun with Mark and Julia while Mark was in town. I hate that I had no time to really tag along much. What I was there for was cool.

Wow I guess I should take a month between posts again, at least I have more to write.

My Day

Well yesterday morning I woke up at 7:30 to the sound of pounding. Not remembering that they were putting a new roof on our building, I was a little shocked to see the outline of a person in my bedroom window. This wouldn't have been so shocking except for the fact that I live on the third floor. With that little sleep I didn't know what was going on, I just jumped out of bed and was a little freaked out.

Later in the day when I was at work I got a call saying my grandmother is going to have heart surgery today. This isn't the first time and we have know for about a month now it was coming. I just called my mom and they have just started her five hour procedure, so I'll be finding out how she is by voicemail.

Chicago

Well after a miserable week and a shitty day a work on Saturday morning I took off with my friends Jon and Brandon to Chicago. I wasn't going to go, but I wanted to have some fun. Since I couldn't pay my bills this month anyway I just decided to spend my paycheck the way I wanted (after I set aside money for rent, no need to be homeless). So it was off to the big city, well the biggest city I have ever been to. I grew up on a farm a million miles from anywhere, so a city of that size is beyond huge.

We did a few touristy things while we where there, like going up to the Sears tower. The views are awesome. I also got stuck going to the Lego store for about an hour, thanks Jon. The last thing we did was go to a Medieval Times dinner theater. It had acting on par with any professional wrestler. They also had a crappy vegetarian selection while my friends told me that their half a chicken and ribs was good. While a lot of this was fun, my friends and I make fun of each other a lot. Normally this is okay with and I happily join in, but after already feeling like shit, I wasn't in the mood. Hearing your best friends tell you how the only way to get someone to date is you is to blatantly lie about yourself really hurt. I seriously wanted to cry. I feel like I have nothing going for me right now and to hear anyone making fun of that really hurt.

In the end there was always the added good that I wasn't at work at all for an entire 2 and a half days. That alone is awesome.

A life of poverty

Well I was just online last night and I decided to see how much my loan payment when up to this month. I am on a graduated payment plan and this is the month it goes up since I started paying a year ago. To say I was surprised is an understatement. My payments have nearly doubled and now went from painful to crippling. If I pay the payments I am supposed to I will be paying more than sixty percent of my net pay. After I researched online I found out that if I had defaulted on my loans and they garnished my wages they can only take at most fifteen percent of my net pay. Granted I can't default without destroying my parents credit and I won't do that. Why is it that trying to do the right and honest thing like paying your bills, is the one thing that no one wants to help you with?

It just sucks because I tried to be smart with money and not over barrow, but I honestly think I will now live in poverty for the rest of my life because I decided to go to college. I spent nearly eight years of my life to earn something that has done the exact opposite of what I thought it would. I am poorer and more unhappy than I was when I was just a dumb high school graduate. I just don't know what to do. It feels like I have everyone wanting me to fail and I just don't know how to deal with that. I really feel like I have no options left.

Yes, I posted a picture

This is me pissed off and waiting in my car. I was waiting because my car had a flat tire. Normally this would just mean I get my ass out and change it, but I nearly got hit by car when I tried to change it. So after calling for help I waited for 45 minutes until someone got there. Now it was hot out today, about 85 to 90 degrees and I didn't have enough gas in my car to just let it run so I had to roll down the windows and wait.

I may not have been so mad, but I was already feeling like crap from the family reunion I was coming home from. I had to answer the question,"What are going to do now that you're done with school?" more times that I thought was humanly possible. I don't know what I am going to do with the rest of my life and I am okay with it. Unfortunately I am not okay with announcing to every that to near strangers I only see once a year. Life sucks.

Graduated

Just had to say that I learned that I passed my last class and graduated. I still just barely made it, only getting a D, which was still enough I guess. That's it.

Birthday parties, Cash, and Freedom

Well I joined some of the people from work for Becky's birthday party. It started at our place and a few games. The game we started to play eventually progressed into a game of charades, which I won. After some people leaving we walked downtown to the bars. We had some drinks and a few laughs before the end of the night.

The next morning I drove back to my parents' house. My parents will be moving soon, and now I have to take everything I left when I moved out 5 years ago. While packing up a ton of comic books and other old junk I found a box from my high school graduation party. I was being a little sentimental and looked through the old cards. The first one I picked up had a fifty dollar bill in it. I looked through the other cards and found a total of seventy-five dollars and a thirty dollar check from my uncle who died five years ago.

Apparently I forgot to pull out all the money when I packed everything up after the part seven years ago. I used my newly found cash to pay for part of the digital camera I've been wanting. I am glad I found the money, but feel really stupid for misplacing it for seven years.

I won't know if I passed my last class and graduated until Thursday. I don't really want to know now. All I know is that I am done with college. I have no desire or money to go back even if I failed. If I did I think I would loose my will to live. I refuse to keep working for something that has made me feel like shit for eight years.

My life as it is

Well I must say I have been avoiding doing a post since my class is not going well right now. I may very well fail the class or just barely pass. The thought of admitting that in writing sucks. If I don't pass now I won't have the money, or the desire, to retake the class anytime soon. Also it would ruin my chance of get my student loans consolidated. Rather than deal with it I have been push on trying to study harder and make a go of it. Next week I'll see how well that worked out.


Meanwhile I have been busy with work, our general manager was out last week, which left me in charge. Of course that means that everything went wrong almost immediately. We had a few pieces of equipment break and some real issues with the crew and managers. It didn't work out the way I thought it would. It kinda sucked.

Becky is going to have her birthday on Friday and I have done nothing to really get ready for it. I still have to clean and buy something to wear. Not to mention the fact that I work til 8 and it starts at 7. Nothing like coming to a party in your uniform and then taking a shower while the party is going on.

This weekend I have to go home because my parents are moving. This means that my 8 or 9 boxes of comics will now have to be stored in my basement storage space. Also I am sure that there is alot more stuff that I can't even remember. In the end I am so glad that my mom is finally getting a better house. She so deserves it.

I started reading a the comic Secret War this week. I admit I bought it s while ago when Walden's was going out of business and didn't read it. It is so much better than I was expecting. I thought it would be like the team up book of the same title from the 80's, but this is completely different. The story has plots to overthrow foreign governments by international government agencies, cover ups, and my favorite super heroes. All in all it has been a surprisingly good read that helps me to understand the events of marvel comics' Civil War series that just ended with the death of Captain America.

A Blah Day

Well today has been a day full of doing things I hate to do. I woke up too late to go to church, so I decided to be useful and get everything done around the apartment that I have wanted to get done for weeks. I have done dishes, cleaned the garbage can, did some extreme cleaning on my bathroom, did all my laundry, and cleaned my closet and bedroom. The last project was the worst. I still don't know if I am really done, I just know it is a lot better than before. I thought having a walk in closet would be a great thing. I must have assumed that this meant I could get more clothes, because I have. Last August when we moved in I only needed half of the closet and know it is almost completely full. I know this means I need to part with some clothes, but I finally feel like I have clothes that I like and don't feel like giving up anything, except maybe my uniforms, they take up a lot of space.

I also sat down and finished applying for a consolidation loan for my student loans. The hope is that I can somehow can get to amount that I can afford to pay every month. I was glad to find out even without my dad cosigning that I should be able to consolidate. I just want my parents completely out of my financial situation. Having my dad call me whenever I forget to pay the student loan sharks is annoying as hell.

Also dealing with money I did something really stupid with about fifteen dollars of mine today. I finally downloaded music from itunes. I think I have sold my soul to the corporate gods, but I found some music that I couldn't find anywhere else. I feel stupid for it, but the more I listen to the songs the less I care.

Burns, Cold Showers and My Stupidity.

Yesterday I got burned at work. A kid who is normally really good splashed grease from the fryer on my arm. He apologized, but having 350 degree grease run down my arm made me less willing to accept his apology. Now I have several burns from my wrist to my elbow.

Then today I had to wake up early, 7:30. I normally am okay with this, but I worked until two last night. So after five hours of sleep I went to get up and stumble into the shower. I turned on the water and it never got hot. Hoping it was just a fluke I just decided to grab a bite to eat and start studying for my exam (the entire reason I was up early). Well I can't wake up in the morning without a hot shower and some caffeine, so my studying quickly became falling back to sleep.

I called the real estate company that owns my building and they told me that they were replacing the water heaters today (like I hadn't figured that out already). All they told me is that they would have it replaced sometime today. Goddamn morons. If they had let me know ahead of time I wouldn't have had to deal with this crap.

So after a cold shower I had to take my exam that I don't think I did well. I just don't really get this stuff. My did I have to choose math as a major. I can't seem to prove anything and I barely remember calculus.

This sucks.

Stupid Insane People are Everywhere

Today was pretty much a normal Friday at work. We were busy and then at around 2 everything calms down. Well at about 3 I was getting something to eat when the phone rang. Since I was the closest manager to the phone I picked it up and answered it. The next thing I know I have some crazy old lady getting upset with me. This is not uncommon, but her complaint was. She was upset because a register person asked her how she was doing. I was floored. I explained to her that they were just trying to be nice. That didn't help. She then began a 5 minute long rant about how asking her how her how she was doing was an invasion of privacy. I could just not reason with her, telling her that she was not obligated to answer was no help. She demanded that I stop anyone in the store from every asking that question again. I tried to let her know that I could not begin to guaranty that and then she demanded the number for our company office and said she would never be back.

I still just don't get it. We make our employees be nice and we get complaints that a totally insane. I just ought to let my crew people ask, "What the hell to you want?" I could work better

Good news all around

Well I have just returned from spending the last 5 plus hours at the company picnic. For the most part it was pretty fun. Some of the 'cool kids' came so I didn't feel so alone. I circulated the area and talked to someone from every store. I even played kickball for a little while, although I was really bad. Anyway it was cool. I almost had to give a speech for our top crew person of the year.

Other good news is that I finally got promoted on Friday. I am just glad for the little bit more pay that I'll be getting. Like every other time I have gotten promoted I have that acknowledgement that I am already doing the job that I now have. Wow do a job for a few months and then get the job, this makes no sense at all.

In less happy, but still good news I am taking the analysis class that I need to graduate. This is my last class and I will graduate in August. The end to my 8 year struggle for my 4 year degree is in sight. Unfortunately I still have to pass what for me is a really difficult class. I just have to get a C, I'm aiming higher of course, but I'll settle for a C.

Even things with my Mom seem to be getting at least a little better. Dad is seriously looking for a house for them and Mom is getting some help. I honestly don't think Mom has sounded this okay around the anniversary of my brothers death. So yeah for once the pessimist has a good day and this may be one of them.

Nothing going on here....

Today is just one of those days that seems dull. I have the day off of work, but I also have laundry and dishes to catch up on. Nothing I would normally watch is on television for some odd reason and I can't stay focused enough to read more than two pages at a time. Being with out any thing to do with my day I pulled out my Invader Zim DVDs. God help me but I still love that cartoon. I know it is stupid but it makes me feel better. Of course now I will be quoting lines from Zim for a week. When you say things like, "Invader's blood runs through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants," people tend to look at you a little strange. Oh well the damage is done.
I decided to take the tickets to the baseball game from work. They are from the season tickets our owner has to the Toledo Mudhens. I just figure if I don't use them no one will. True or not that is how I have decided to rationalize it.
Winter came with to see the new Fantastic Four move last Thursday night. It was really great. The plot was better than the last movie and it was true enough to the spirit of the comics to please me which isn't easy. Although I have to say seeing Jessica Alba in a movie is normally enough to draw me to the theater. I admit I have had more than a small thing for her since she was in Dark Angel. I did see on television that the movie was the top grossing movie of the weekend by far. So at least I am not alone in liking it.

Once a dork always a dork

Well in the last few weeks my mom has gotten out of the hospital (again) and I have started back to work. I really was so thankful to get back to work. Anything that helped me get back to a life that was a little more normal. Granted work kinda sucks, but you can't have everything. I did get some really great news in the last few weeks, my friends Jon and Maria are going to have another baby. I am so happy for them, so far all they know is that it is due in mid December.

Also my extra week off work resulted in my getting promoted being delayed more than a week. Supposedly I can take care of that by visiting and observing at another store on Thursday. Which means I can have slightly less mediocre pays and an equally sad and sorry title.

It my time waiting in hospital waiting rooms I read most of the comics I bought on vacation and started a book called "Jerks at Work" which I found a little less funny than I thought, but good enough to pass the time. I also found a bunch of old pictures from my junior prom and work pictures from work. I was very ugly in high school and had really bad hair. It was sad. Nothing like spending time at home and finding reminders that you were always a dork.

Nervous breakdowns and despair

My mom had a nervous breakdown on our way back from vacation. We had to admit mom to a mental hospital that she just was released from today. I feel alone and like I a going to be trapped here. I always felt like I was the one holding everything together when I lived at home and I feel guilty not being at home the last five years. I know I am not at fault for this, but I still feel like I am. My dad has been almost no help at all. He says he cares, but just refuses to admit that anything is wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I have to take care of everything, but every time I try I just can't figure out a way to make things work out. This sucks and I just want a way out. I am twenty-five years old, how can this be my life?

I'm not a morning person

I know I am being a baby, but I hate opening. It means me getting up at 5 am to go work and work with some of our more annoying crew and serve some of our more annoying customers. This week I have to open 4 out of 5 days and I hate it. Everyday I want to fall asleep earlier. Yesterday I was falling asleep on the couch at 5:30 in the evening. I feel like an eighty year old man falling asleep that early. I am not a morning person and the amount of caffeine I have to consume to function at that hour can't be healthy. With just to more days until vacation I am thinking I just be glad to not be woken by my alarm clock buzzing. With tomorrow being my one day not to open I was more than a little upset to realize I would have to go in early tomorrow morning to work on the schedule.

Long Time No Blog

Alright I haven't written anything in nearly a month, and haven't written anything interesting in far longer. What can I say, I've been busy. Somehow my 50 hour work work week has eased into a less comfortable 60 hour week. I find myself at work on my days off for several hours. Last week I was a work every single day. I felt like shooting myself on Sunday.

Meanwhile I am hoping to get promoted to the job I'm already doing. This seems to be what always happens to me. I see we need some to do a job and I do it, then I spend six months doing all of this extra work before anyone realizes what I've been doing. Before I was an assistant manager I was doing the crew schedule and the order for almost a year before I was told that I really shouldn't have been doing either in the position I was in.

In other news, my closet is finally fixed. For the last few months my clothes have been sitting in a pile on a futon in my bedroom. It is not fixed due to our diligent maintanice staff, but because my dad got sick of my complaining about it and came up to fix it. I didn't tell him I could have really done it myself, assuming I actually tryed. Oh well, it made him feel useful.

Now for the my best bit of news, I have vacation in three weeks. This is huge since I haven't had two days off in a row since my vacation to Canada in August. The thought of being several states away from my everyday life sounds unbelievable right now. I can't wait.

Easter

Well I finally made it home for Easter and it was a unique experience. I went to church with my family on Sunday morning, the service was even duller than I remember that church being. Then we all head over to my Grandma's house for lunch. Now lunch wasn't until twelve-thirty so it was kind of odd when my brother stumbled in at one. When I say stumble I mean stumble seeing as how he was extremely hung over. We started to eat and while everyone was eating enough to feed a small nation my brother ate about two bites of mashed potatoes. Being ever the loving brother I make fun of him and talk really loud around him the entire afternoon.

Right after lunch we all sat in the living room and talked and it got to be even more fun. My brother started taking about the bar he has been frequenting. I seems he has been getting into bull riding. Not a mechanical bull, but a real bull. As he began to tell me how a bull throw him into a pole at this point I just began yelling, "Are you stupid?" You have to understand that I am very uncoordinated and as bad as I am my brother is worse, so hearing that he is trying to ride bulls is the dumbest thing I have heard in years. So any time my brother would talk about riding a bull I just said "You're stupid".

So I thought that I was doing good when I was finally driving back to my apartment. Even though everyone was cut me off and slamming on their breaks I still was getting doing well. I even had time to call Winter about her first day as a manager, but then when I finally parked my car I realized how big a mistake I made. I forgot my bag of bathroom stuff. I call my mom and assure her that I don't need her to run it the hour and a half up to me. Not until I when to the store to replace everything did I realize I had no glasses. Damn now I have to wear my old glasses from like four years ago. I miss my nerdy glasses already.

The Annoying Girl with Scissors

Today I made the decision to get my hair cut. It had been about eight weeks since I got it cut, which for me is about four weeks too long. So I walk in to the place I usually go and they take me back right away. The girl started talking as soon as she had me sit down. Normally this is pleasant small talk, this time however this girl would not shut up. She started innocently enough by saying something about her messed up family. Trying to be nice (unusual I know) I told a little bit about how messed up my family is. Big mistake, she then told me EVERYTHING about her family. I know her brother is in jail and seeing this insane woman who stole her car.................and on and on for fifteen minutes until I wanted to die. I think I need to take Winter's advice and she the woman who cuts her hair.

In work news our Co Manager got promoted to the General Manager of another store. He was so happy because they nearly had to beg him to take it. This means that I will stuck at the same store, but in hopefully just a few weeks I will be promoted to Co Manager. This means I'll be second in charge of the store which is a little weird. I've never officially been in that position before so we'll have to see how that works out.